Look at him. You can just tell he's acting coy about the dirty dorkus. (Stephen Moyer)True Blood: But, Bill had dirt on his penis!
Okay, that was a weird title but I'm just beside myself. I've got my arm around my own shoulder, that's how beside myself I am. If you watch HBO's True Blood, you're no doubt stuck on the Sookie and Bill romance. Well, during a love scene of epically Halloweenish proportions, Bill sprang up from the ground nude and immediately had sex with Sookie. He was dirt-covered. Head to toe. The last time I checked, the penis was between the head and the toe so if anything is head to toe, it gets to the penis too. Anyway, the fact of the matter is that this implies that a dirt-covered penis was involved in onscreen intercourse. I've never seen it before and it gave me the creeps. All I can think of is 'What if I were Sookie and this beautiful vamp wanted to spring out of the ground and do bad things to me?'. I'd be freaked out about the dirt, damn it! Clean that thing off, man! I'm a lowly mortal, human. I could get some horrible infection from soil-based organisms of a malicious ilk. Not happening. Not even for Bill. No.
